Transcript of an IM Conversation between my friend Dave and me. It’s funny. Really.
(2:23:19 PM) Carl Reyes: saw ‘Wanted’… good flick
(2:23:28 PM) Carl Reyes: very loosely based on the comic (which I have yet to read)
(2:25:14 PM) Dave @ GTalk: yeah, apparently the only thing that they brought over was the name
(2:25:27 PM) Dave @ GTalk: i thought it was decent. ass-shot of jolie didn’t hurt
(2:27:14 PM) Carl Reyes: basically it’s a confused wanna-be Fight Club successor…
(2:28:29 PM) Carl Reyes: jolie needed a sammich
(2:29:35 PM) Carl Reyes: I’m more into Kiera Knightly anyway. Saw Domino not too long ago…
(2:29:39 PM) Carl Reyes: movie was kinda dumb
(2:29:48 PM) Carl Reyes: lapdance… made it watchable
(2:30:22 PM) Dave @ GTalk: yeah, i saw that in the theater
(2:31:08 PM) Carl Reyes: lapdance… and she looks really good with short hair.
(2:31:35 PM) Carl Reyes: I mean… wow.
(2:31:40 PM) Carl Reyes: she’s only 23, too.
(2:33:48 PM) Carl Reyes: *groan*
(2:33:50 PM) Carl Reyes: Oh no
(2:34:02 PM) Carl Reyes: oh Jesus. Tittyfucking. Christ.
(2:34:16 PM) Carl Reyes: Terminator… Salvation.
(2:34:28 PM) Carl Reyes: Christian Bale as John Connor
(2:34:33 PM) Carl Reyes: Josh Brolin as Terminator
(2:35:00 PM) Carl Reyes: with… Helena Bonham Carter?
(2:35:01 PM) Dave @ GTalk: heh
(2:35:03 PM) Carl Reyes: really?
(2:35:05 PM) Carl Reyes: jesus
(2:35:14 PM) Dave @ GTalk: did i ever get you to watch ‘The Hole’? knightley flashed in that one
(2:35:24 PM) Carl Reyes: hmm
(2:35:30 PM) Carl Reyes: must put in netflix queue
(2:35:42 PM) Dave @ GTalk: also, seriously, fuck the terminator series
(2:35:44 PM) Dave @ GTalk: 
(2:36:00 PM) Carl Reyes: it was fucked pretty much at the end of T:2
(2:37:25 PM) Carl Reyes: “I know now why you cry… but it is something I can never do.”
(2:37:31 PM) Carl Reyes: My bowels watered a little bit
(2:37:44 PM) Carl Reyes: Bowel Disruptor ray, right there
(2:38:54 PM) Carl Reyes: also, T-800 can apparently set off a nuclear blast simply by overloading its battery core (according to T:3). Seems like the fucking series could have been 3 fucking movies and a TV series shorter if Arnie had let that shit fly in the first Terminator movie.
(2:39:28 PM) Carl Reyes: continuity notwithstanding, though… it’s given the very cute Summer Glau another show to be sexy and dangerous in.
(2:39:53 PM) Carl Reyes: and after last season’s miniskirts and panties lesson, this season there is supposed to be ‘jealousy’.
(2:40:06 PM) Carl Reyes: and fuck me if I don’t likes me some crazy jealous hot robot chick
(2:41:57 PM) Dave @ GTalk: i couldn’t bring myself to keep watching the series
(2:42:01 PM) Dave @ GTalk: even with summer glau in it
This is why Dave and I need our own review show.
There is a review? Did I miss it?
I was thinking the same thing.
Wow. Can’t believe you guys would actually post something like this. That hard up for topics, huh?
You have no idea.
What?
There’s a short review of Wanted and Domino in there, as well as a metareview of Terminator: Salvation and the upcoming season of the Sarah Connor Chronicles.
Chock full of information, delivered in a truly entertaining framework.
Fuck Ebert and Roper.
Sure. If you consider saying a movie was ‘good’ a review. I guess it technically counts as a review anyway; the same type of a review a chimpanzee gives of a banana.
Wait wait…so if this is a review, I guess that means from now on I can just show a picture of the beer, say “good” or “bad”, leave the rating and be done with it.
Well, that will make my life easier.
Considering the grammatical errors usually present in the reviews… I concur.
Grammar is for pussies.
There is too a review in there, god damn it. If you put the sentences together for Wanted, for example (with slight cleaning up):
“Wanted is based on the comic in name only. It’s plot makes it seem like a confused wannabe Fight Club successor. While Angelina Jolie’s ass is always a crowd-pleaser, my opinion is she’s lost too much weight. All in all, however, it was a good flick.”
That is more information than you get in a LOT of television or radio reviews.
Domino being a fairly old movie (2005), there was no point in doing a full review. However, mentioning that the lapdance scene made it worth watching for me was, I felt, a valid point to make.
And the preview/metareview for Terminator: Salvation and The Sarah Connor Chronicles have plenty of information. Who’s in it, plot elements…
So, you know… suck my balls.
Sure, once you cleaned it up there was a minimal review in there…but the fact is you had to clean it up to get it.
No, I think Carl’s on to something! Here’s a sumary of my review of the Alesis io/2 USB computer audio interface:
Tanya locked the bathroom door, closed her eyes and began taking a deep, slow breath as a shiver overtook her. She made her Beretta safe and placed it on the commode. Pulled the balakalva off her head and peeled off her Kevlar vest, wincing as pain flouressed in her shoulder. Turned the water on in the sink, splashed some on her face and tried to fix her hair. Could there possibly be any decent hair place in this ice-hell city? Helsinki in the winter. Might as well be the north pole.
Heh, hilarious that 1/3 of his review is someone else’s observation:
“Wanted is based on the comic in name only.”
He never read the comic. BWAHAHAHAHA!
My review of the movie Cloverfield that I rewatched on BluRay last night:
“It sure is muggy out today.”
That actually makes me want to buy an Alesis io/2 USB computer audio interface.
Screw that. It makes me want to visit Helsinki…
It really does.
I think the title says it all. The movie Wanted to be Fight Club … but then changed its mind halfway through.