Comments on: How Movie and TV Reviews Should be Done

By: Sean

Sean — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 03:40:00 +0000

I think the title says it all. The movie Wanted to be Fight Club … but then changed its mind halfway through.

By: Carl

Carl — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 17:20:45 +0000

Screw that. It makes me want to visit Helsinki…

It really does.

By: Big Remy

Big Remy — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 13:28:16 +0000

That actually makes me want to buy an Alesis io/2 USB computer audio interface.

By: Colin

Colin — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 12:41:04 +0000

Heh, hilarious that 1/3 of his review is someone else’s observation:
“Wanted is based on the comic in name only.”

He never read the comic. BWAHAHAHAHA!

My review of the movie Cloverfield that I rewatched on BluRay last night:

“It sure is muggy out today.”

By: Karl Kornfeld

Karl Kornfeld — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 09:18:38 +0000

No, I think Carl’s on to something! Here’s a sumary of my review of the Alesis io/2 USB computer audio interface:

Tanya locked the bathroom door, closed her eyes and began taking a deep, slow breath as a shiver overtook her. She made her Beretta safe and placed it on the commode. Pulled the balakalva off her head and peeled off her Kevlar vest, wincing as pain flouressed in her shoulder. Turned the water on in the sink, splashed some on her face and tried to fix her hair. Could there possibly be any decent hair place in this ice-hell city? Helsinki in the winter. Might as well be the north pole.

By: Big Remy

Big Remy — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 19:53:54 +0000

Sure, once you cleaned it up there was a minimal review in there…but the fact is you had to clean it up to get it.

By: Carl

Carl — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 17:07:58 +0000

There is too a review in there, god damn it. If you put the sentences together for Wanted, for example (with slight cleaning up):

“Wanted is based on the comic in name only. It’s plot makes it seem like a confused wannabe Fight Club successor. While Angelina Jolie’s ass is always a crowd-pleaser, my opinion is she’s lost too much weight. All in all, however, it was a good flick.”

That is more information than you get in a LOT of television or radio reviews.

Domino being a fairly old movie (2005), there was no point in doing a full review. However, mentioning that the lapdance scene made it worth watching for me was, I felt, a valid point to make.

And the preview/metareview for Terminator: Salvation and The Sarah Connor Chronicles have plenty of information. Who’s in it, plot elements…

So, you know… suck my balls.

By: Big Remy

Big Remy — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 16:43:58 +0000

Grammar is for pussies.

By: Carl

Carl — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 16:07:03 +0000

Considering the grammatical errors usually present in the reviews… I concur.

By: Big Remy

Big Remy — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 12:21:28 +0000

Wait wait…so if this is a review, I guess that means from now on I can just show a picture of the beer, say “good” or “bad”, leave the rating and be done with it.

Well, that will make my life easier.

By: Colin

Colin — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 11:42:02 +0000

Sure. If you consider saying a movie was ‘good’ a review. I guess it technically counts as a review anyway; the same type of a review a chimpanzee gives of a banana.

By: Carl

Carl — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 18:15:25 +0000

What?

There’s a short review of Wanted and Domino in there, as well as a metareview of Terminator: Salvation and the upcoming season of the Sarah Connor Chronicles.

Chock full of information, delivered in a truly entertaining framework.

Fuck Ebert and Roper.

By: Big Remy

Big Remy — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 17:02:03 +0000

You have no idea.

By: Russtopher

Russtopher — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 16:57:23 +0000

Wow. Can’t believe you guys would actually post something like this. That hard up for topics, huh?

By: Big Remy

Big Remy — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 15:13:10 +0000

I was thinking the same thing.

By: Colin

Colin — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 14:46:04 +0000

There is a review? Did I miss it?