So, just because I thought of so many one-liners while enjoying this, I decided to write up a short review.
I have had several opportunities to enjoy the salsa recipe Karl usually goes by. It’s spicy, savory, and full of my favorite herbs and spices, like cilantro. Colin hates cilantro, by the way, so be sure to order him a lot of it and send him bouquets. 
Anyway, I had dared Karl to make a salsa that would challenge my spice-loving palate. See, his salsa is spicy. In fact, it is probably too spicy for most people who think they like spicy. His tasty home-made salsa not only makes Old El Paso’s ‘Hot’ seem suitable for baby food, but it reminds me just how shitty the mass-produced stuff is. Seriously, Old El Paso is iffy at the best of times, but putting it next to Karl’s salsa makes it look like a dog ate a tomato and then vomited it back up just as my cat was whizzing on it.
My palate is geared to foods with zing. I used to hate spicy foods, too. Hated them. Now, I can’t get enough of them (well, going in at least). Hence, my half-jested challenge that he use some of the habanero paste I brought him back from Arizona.
The result? An offering of three new recipes at my Memorial Day Cookout, and the usual baseline of tastiness:
- Tame Pineapple. Not really tame by any means. The heat was there, but subdued beneath a blanket of natural sweetness provided by the pineapple. The cilantro, lacking a spicy mask to hide behind, really stood out. It was Colin’s least favorite, I think, but I loved it. Though Karl rated it at ‘half a star’, upon maturing in the fridge, I found the heat a bit turned up, and would have to go closer to two stars on it. Peppers are sneaky like that.
- Menacing Mango. A two-star offering with mostly-ripened mangos that gave it not only sweetness, but a tasty chunky texture that complemented the thick salsa well. The cilantro was mostly in hiding, but other wonderful flavors, like the onion and garlic, played awesomely well with the mango, and impressed me mightily. Not many people can do original things with mango, and Karl managed to do so without producing the usual oversweet orange concoction people think of when they think mango salsa.
- Spicy Original. Three stars and you feel every one. Everyone who tries Karl’s salsa says the heat sneaks up on you. He is a master of getting you to try a couple of chips loaded with the stuff before that first one hits you, and at that point it’s like being rear-ended by something out of Mad Max. Tears begin to stream, noses run, and everyone goes for a drink, although you still can’t get enough, and all the complex flavors are still easily discernible, heat or no.
- Hijo de Puta. It’s Spanish. Look it up. If Spicy Original feels like being rear-ended, this five-star stuff feels like a nine-car pile-up on a god-damned volcano. Honestly, it’s like someone took a dull, rusty razor, soaked it in alcohol, and ran it several times across my tongue. It was like taking a kick to the nuts, a punch to the head, and a shot of Everclear all at once. But only after two or three chips (or about a half-dozen, in my case). Damn Karl and his sneakiness. And here’s the kicker: you become addicted to it. The endorphin rush from the brain, the flavors still easily discernible. I could detect the onion, the cilantro, everything. It is probably the best salsa I have ever had. The burning, the runny eyes, the downing of dry chips and sweet soda to kill the heat. Pressing my tongue against the roof of my mouth for that brief shot of pain afterward.
Spectacular. Thank you, Karl, for the awesome salsa.
That’s four recipes.
“The result? An offering of three new recipes at my Memorial Day Cookout, and the usual baseline of tastiness:”
That’s a bit ambiguous, but that equals four.
“THERE ARE FOUR LIGHTS!”
Okay there Gul Madred.
Thanks for the kudos Carl!
My favorite remains the original “***,” 2nd would be the mango “**.” I’m hardly the first to put mangoes in salsa - the Geico commercial mentions duck with mango salsa. I think it works well with the smoky chipotle flavor.
Karl, you’re ruined me for all other salsas.
You’re welcome.
You know, a true Salsa Maestro (huh?) would be able to craft a recipe that did not include the most hated of plants, Cilantro. In fact, let this be a challenge to you… a tasty, complex salsa sans-Cilantro.
Don’t mess with the man’s art just because you’re a hater.
Hmm. Wow. Yeah, that’s a pretty good idea Colin. But how about I tell you about an idea of my own - just so it’s out there, okay? And let me know what you think: Make your own freaking salsa. If it was hard to do I wouldn’t bring it to almost every gathering I attend. And it’ll be even easier for you to do since you’d be leaving out a step/ingredient. It took years of dozens of people (notably some hot chicks) complaining about the heat for me to even consider trying to create a milder formula. You are the only person who has ever complained to me about the cilantro. And you’re not a chick.
Sorry if that sounds annoyed, but that scenario is exactly why I demure when people tell me to market the stuff. I’m not interested in catering to every individual pallette. I make it for myself. Some of my friends like it and that’s cool. Some of my friends don’t like it and that’s cool too.
Of course if someone wanted to buy the recipe, I’m open to offers…
I like the salsa.
And I think it’s ‘demur’
You’re salsa is great. I love the flavor. Especially the one you made with chipotle a while back. I appreciated the fact that you made some milder versions for those with more sensitive palates. One day, don’t know when, I’ll be able to enjoy more than 1 chip’s worth of your spicier versions.
I wonder why it is that there is some macho thing associated with eating spicy foods (in this country)? I mean, I like the flavor of certain peppers, spices etc. But, there obviously is a point of diminishing returns with spiciness (just like with anything).
I mean, you don’t see people eating over-salty things to the point of discomfort. Nor sweet things. Mmm… this is the saltiest chip I have ever had.
I can tolerate spicy food. I just don’t think its that enjoyable past a certain point. And, this is coming from someone who enjoys indian curry and thai food (hold the cilantro).
>”some macho thing associated with eating spicy foods ”
I’ve both observed and participated in this, but “macho” is probably the wrong term as I know women who are into it too.
>you don’t see people eating over-salty things to the point of discomfort.”
I made this exact analogy to Carl when he was nagging me. Everyone wants a balance of flavors, but everyone’s idea/sense of balance is different. And that changes over time and with exposure. Foreigners frequently remark that american food tastes too salty and/or sweet, but they eventually get used to it. Those of us who grew up with salted snacks and lots of candy think it’s normal. When I was a little kid I would not tolerate any capsaicin in my food. But that gradually changed (started in high school) and now I’ve got people who say my everyday condiment is too hot.
Right. I can tolerate much more hot in my food now than when I first ate pad thai with chili sauce many moons ago. Being able to tolerate it allows me to enjoy the extra flavor the chili sauce provides. However, I don’t think flavor has anything to do with the types of people I was referring to who always like to point out how much they can tolerate (especially when it might be more than you).
I especially like the person who eats the extremely spicy food, remarks that its not too spicy, then begins to get teary-eyed, cough, and sweat.
Okay, in response to why people like to eat hotter and hotter foods, I not only repeat my anecdotal response on endorphin addiction, I point you to a Duke University Medical Center study, which found similar physiological responses to capsaicin and nicotine given in small doses. (see also http://www.neuro.duke.edu/faculty/simon/)
Interestingly, the study found that in large doses, capsaicin destroys the neural receptors that respond to it, while nicotine promotes increased receptor numbers. What this means is that it will take more capsaicin to produce a desired result. I can think of a few other chemical substances that behave like that.
No physical addiction was noted, though people were found to become accostomed to spicy foods and came to prefer them.
In response to Karl saying I nagged him, I would point out I never said there was anything wrong with your salsa, Karl! I just said, “Hey, this recipe is great, why not toss some habanero paste in?”
Well, cursory evidence of endorphin addiction via capsaicin ingestion aside (hrm, do you get addicted to stabbing yourself as well?), that doesn’t explain the “macho” behavior associated with it.
As for you nagging. I seem to remember that every time karl was nice enough to make some salsa, you asked him if he used the habanero paste yet. Sounds like nagging to me.
Without denying the signifigance of the endorphin rush, after some thought I think Colin is right and the root is more psychosocial than physiological. I’m comparing hot food trends to the current trend toward over-hopped beers, the trend a few years ago for overly-tanic wines, the 30Hz subs in some mook’s car…
How hot can you take your wings? How bitter can you take your beer? How cheesy can you take your macaroni? Is this a purely American behavior or do immature people all over the world do this?
But…lots of hope in a beer makes it tasty
hopes = hops
There is evidence that people become addicted to piercing and body modifcation in part because of the endorphin rush released from the pain. Also, people who cut themselves (cutters) are thought to do so in part because of the mind-blanking endorphin rushes can provide.
As for it being an American thing…
Maori and Amazon warriors take their tattoos and are not supposed to cry out, as it makes them less manly.
African tribes that engage in scraification rituals believe the recipient maintining silence is a very large component of being ushered into manhood.
Indian men ritualistically hang themselves from hooks, pierce their bodies, and walk on fire to prove their abilities in mind over body. The more punishment, the greater the mastery.
So, it isn’t purely American. I think the only real difference is… we’re the only ones who do it for fun.
Yay, machismo stupidity isn’t solely American.
As for evidence, there is also evidence that aliens created the pyramids.