Anyone who has listened tot he podcast knows that I’m less… patient when it comes to certain things than Colin is. And that lack of patience is what initiated this accidental journey into laptop-only existence. Lack of patience also ended it. Actually, you could say my addiction ended it. But, that’s getting ahead of the story.

A couple of weeks ago, I decided to upgrade my aged computer. It hadn’t seen upgrades in well over three years, and that’s ancient for a computer. It had an Athlon XP 2100+, two gigs of DDR RAM, a pair of Dual-Layer DVD burners (okay, those were fairly recent upgrades), and a GeForce4 Ti4200 video card with 128 megs of DDR RAM.

The new specs were slightly less ancient. It was to have a new motherboard, an Athlon XP 2500+, and an ATi Radeon 9800 Pro video card. Not a vast improvement, but I wanted to load up some Vista and get comfy with it before using it in the real world.

Simple enough, right? I mean, it’s work I’ve done for nearly a decade, and I’ve swapped countless parts. I’m the Wilt Chamberlain of parts-swapping. Imagine my surprise, then, when I couldn’t get my new(er) machine to boot, to even POST. Imagine my frustration. I’m not good with frustration. I overheat, I sweat, I get very angry very quickly.

I calm down and decide to go back to my old configuration. Except… it won’t boot either. I originally had three working computers, and all I am left with now is a pile of parts. A disappointment, and a testament to my ultimate lack of patience. Three motherboards, processors, PSUs. A dozen RAM chips, three video cards. Nothing works. The lights come on, the fans spin up, the hard disks spin up, but there is no POST beep, no display, nothing. After three days of plugging, unplugging, testing, parts-swapping, I scrapped it all, consigned it to a pile of junk in my basement.

I resolved to never again bother with a desktop workstation. After all, I have a nice little MacBook. I can surf the net, write my documents and blog posts, do any recording I need to do, listen to music, and download anything I need. Who needs a bulky desktop?

Apparently, I do.

Days one and two were fine. I planned out how I was going to take my web server (a surprisingly good Dell SC420, one of the rare machines put out by a manufacturer that far exceeds expectations) and turn it into a file server, and stick it in my computer closet next to the printer. My desk would from then on be clean, the MacBook and my GameCube its only occupants. I hadn’t hit withdrawal yet.

Days three and four weren’t so good. My computer addiction is akin to a drug addiction, it seems. I couldn’t go one day without changing the plan. I bargained with myself, as all addicts do. “Well, there’s no point in sticking it in the closet, since I have a widescreen Dell monitor. May as well use it for more than just my GameCube.” I began loading Vista on it, instead of re-installing Windows Server. I was still only going to use it as a ’server’, justifying the loading of Vista by telling myself that in my profession, it pays to learn an OS before it gets adopted. I hid my shame. I could control myself this time. You know, only do it a little. I’m not an addict, I can control it.

Day five and I was pushing just a little further out beyond the line. I have Vista already, and a 20″ widescreen… may as well put a DVD burner in there too, right? And because most of my video editing software was erroring on install, I dropped in a sound card. Just my old Sound Blaster Live! 5.1. Sure, I’ll take a hit. I’m still in control, right? Only doing it on the weekends. Just for a little fun.

Day six and I upgraded the stock 2.53 GHz Celeron processor with 256 megs of L2 cache to a Pentium 4 2.8 GHz with 1 meg of cache. You know, for the video and stuff. Hehe… wow, that was an interesting slip, but you know, I can get myself back under control. It’s not like it was before, I’m okay.

Day seven, and I am sitting in my office, staring at the PCI-e x16 ATi FireGL video card I will later install to update the crappy on-board graphics adapter that came with the SC420.

And there it is. In one week, less than one week, I went from no bulky workstation to a fairly decent bulky workstation with stats that outpace even my original plans for updating. And the reason? I can’t tell you. I don’t know. I felt anxious, incomplete, without a workstation. No matter that I rarely ever used my old one, that it was only there for the torrents or occasional video edit. I hide in the darkness, needles in my veins, pumping 1’s and 0’s into my blood.

At one time, I had seven working and running computers. This was a few years ago. Now I have three computers and a laptop. Plus three machines-worth of scrap, most of which I am certain works just fine (despite my lack of success with them). I know I don’t need them all. I don’t. I have a terabyte of storage on my workstation, and have no need of a separate server. I suppose I could say the homebrew PVR has a perfectly valid existence. But that sounds hollow to me, since it isn’t actually being used. The truth is, in some ways I am a techno-junkie. I can no longer rationally exist in the modern world without a connection to the ‘net. I need my fix, and a bulky workstation represents a steady supply, untroubled by the concerns a laptop would have. No batteries to deal with, no chance of dropping it.

It’s an illusion, I know. But should I care- DO I care-, when I can lean back and let the sweet warmth wash over me, gently lifting me away on a wave of web-surfing bliss? Besides, I’m still in control. I can quit any time I want.