A group of astronomers have discovered a gigantic cloud of alcohol hovering in space. Sadly, this isn’t the greatest of news because the cloud is made of methanol, and not ethanol. Quoting the principle investigator Dr Harvey-Smith “Although it is exciting to discover a cloud of alcohol almost 300 billion miles across, unfortunately methanol, unlike its chemical cousin ethanol, is not suitable for human consumption!”.
Unfortunate is not the word to describe the fact that this monstrous cloud is comprised of methanol. “Tragic” or “catastrophic” comes closer in my mind. If this cloud was made of ethanol it would have been the greatest astronomical discovery of the the last 2000 years. Everything else would pale in comparison.
And I would have immediately begun paperwork to try and lay claim to it, and then begun contruction of Galactic Bottling Vessel 1, the first in my fleet of spacecraft designed to go to where this cloud is, mine that ethanol and return to Earth. Once here it would be sold at a premium price by my company, Space Alcohol Inc, and the money would just come rolling in. To borrow a quote from Seinfeld “It’s gold Jerry, GOLD!”.
Space Alcohol would be coveted by the elite, and models would flock to my door to attend parties serving it. We’d begin an aggressive marketing campaign, with various new drinks using Space Alcohol.
The Black Hole: A beer shot drink, with a shot of Space Alcohol dropped into a pint of Guinness.
The Supernova: A shot of Space Alcohol with tabasco and wasabi.
Asteroid Belt: Space Alcohol and Pop Rocks (probably in shot form)
White Dwarf: Space Alcohol and Colada Mix (in shot or small glass…get it dwarf).
Maximum Warp: Space Alcohol and Red Bull.
Mir: Space Alcohol and Stoli.
Atmospheric Re-Entry: 1 shot of Space Alcohol, flaming of course.
The Comet: A traditional Mudslide but made with Space Alcohol.
The Space Walk: Space Alcohol, Tequila, 151 Rum, Irish Whiskey, Bourban Whiskey, Midori with some Coke for color and served over ice because space is cold and dark.
But alas, this will never come to be because its made of methanol. Days like today I hate the Universe. I blame Stephen Hawkings for this.
Many thanks to Colin and Carl for drink suggestions, they contributed the majority of them.
Damn that Hawking!!! I want my Space Alcohol!!!
Beware.. drinking Space Alcohol will cause you to go blind!
I thought it was other things that made you go blind. Are you trying to blame Space Alcohol for your diminishing eyesight?
I, being the inventor of the ‘Supernova’, and not being entirely of sound mind, decided to see if the recipe actually worked. I substituted Ketel One vodka for the space alcohol, but I feel the combination worked.
Ingredient List:
1 Bead of Wasabi, about the size of a garbanzo.
1/2 to 1 teaspoon tabasaco or similar hot sauce
1 ounce vodka.
Drop wasabi into a shot glass. Add hot sauce. Stir to combine. Fill glass with vodka and stir.
Interestingly, the wasabi and hot sauce seem to float in suspension in the vodka, making look a lot like an orange cloud, not at all unlike a supernova, in fact.
Hitting this shot is… interesting. if you let it linger in your mouth for just a moment before swallowing, you can get the full effect. Which is delicious! But it does cause a minor spasm as the wasabi hits you. Upon impact with your stomach, a very warm feeling spreads out, kind of like the hot shockwaves of a nova, but not as violent.
No blindness, nausea, or other detrimental effect was observed.
Pics of the event are at: http://www.flickr.com/photos/acsk1975/
Nice job Carl. Remember, Space Alcohol is your friend.
If it was ethanol, I wouldn’t have told anyone about it ;->
So, altruism would have gone straight out of the window?
Can’t say that I blame you.
I always thought scientific discovery should be shared for the betterment of all mankind, but I gotta go with Doc Lisa on this one.
Also, I don’t want to argue with her opinion because she appears to be quite the soccer player, and could probably kick my ass.