Beer.

Some consider it just a drink. Others consider it an evil substance that makes men vile and causes the downfall of the family unit.

These people…are morons.

For the rest of us, we know beer for what it truly is: The greatest discovery in the history of man. No single discovery has changed the course of mankind or brought it to greater heights of understanding than beer. Some may argue this point, claiming fire was the most important discovery or the printing press. However, to the enlightened, both of these are trivial. What is fire except a tool in the brewing process? And the printing press, nothing more than a way to print labels idenitifying the beer you are drinking as a stout or an amber.

Ben Franklin once said “Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.” Truer words have not since been spoken. Beer is that proof, for only a loving and benevolent God could have inspired man to create such a divine substance. Some of the best beers in the world are brewed by monks, those who have devoted their lives to fulfilling God’s wish: a better and more flavorful Chimay.

I am by no means an expert. I can’t name all the countless types of hops, barleys and brewing processes that exist. I’m just a simple man who enjoys what God has given him: a love for beer in all its forms. There are people out there that can taste beer and tell you exactly what’s in it, what the individual flavors are, what hops are there. People that are recognized experts in beerology.

I’ll let you in something that they don’t want you to know…

They secretly hate beer.

These so called experts kill beer, plain and simple. They reduce it to its base components and have forgotten that beer is more than the sum of its parts. Beer is all about the experience, the taste as it changes itself in ways unknown to man and shouldn’t be placed under a microscope. It’s kills me to read these experts reviews of beer because the average person, even one who truly loves the experience of beer, doesn’t taste what they taste. Everyone’s experience is different and by reducing beer in that way you lessen the experience for most people.

In the following entries, there lies a journey. A journey that is both a personal one, and one meant to show the way to others. I will partake of it and commune with God himself. As I progress, I shall do my best to provide guidence to those that follow so that one day they may also join me in the Hall of Beer, that golden lodge where true beer enlightenment is finally achieved.

Vocabulary: Here are some phrases you may hear me use to describe levels of beer.

Brew of Death: Used to define any beer that can cause permanent paralysis or at minimum inflict some form of level drain* on you after you drink it.

The Reluctant Brew: This is a beer that you’ll drink, but only because everything else available is just plain bad.

Brew for the Masses: As it implies, a beer mass produced for the average person or one that does not come from a microbrew. This is not necessarily a negative or a positive description, it all depends on the beer were talking about.

Brew of Choice: This describes a beer that if you were to give me 10 random beers to choose from with this in the mix, I would go for over the rest.

Brew of Legend: These are beers that just defy existence and spit on convential beers. These are the beers that steal your prom date and then dump her out of their car with a huge smile and her dress half off. These beers reside in the Hall of Beer

Hall of Beer: a term used to define a place that exists in the hearts of all beer drinkers. The Hall of Beer is the residence of those beers that you will go out of your way to find at package stores.

* Level drain: a term used in Dungeons and Dragons indicating the lose of a level and stats. In this usage however, it refers to a beer being so horrible as to cause you to actually stop drinking for a time because of the shock.